The Third ThingLayo Dubs

The Third Thing

A field guide to the marriage you are actually in

Layo Dubs

Something is living between you.

Twenty-two years of marriages, and the ones that lasted all tended the same thing.

By Layo Dubs · 248 pages · PDF and EPUB

Sales are closed

Nothing is for sale right now. If you already bought the book, it is still yours and nothing changes.

Ask to hear when it reopens
“We read chapter four out loud and argued for an hour. Best hour we have had in a year.”
Married eleven years, Abuja
“It does not tell you your marriage is broken. It tells you it is unattended. That landed differently.”
Early reader
“I have recommended this to every couple who has sat in my office since I read the draft.”
Family physician, Lagos

There are three of you here

You. Them. And the marriage itself, the third thing, the one nobody wakes up and tends to, because it does not cry or call or send a bill.

Most advice treats a marriage as two people who need to communicate better. Twenty-two years of sitting with couples taught me otherwise. The couples who last are not the ones who fight least or feel most. They are the ones who noticed the third thing was hungry, and fed it.

What is inside

8 questions, one per chapter, each with a script for saying the hard part out loud. No quizzes, no love languages, nothing you have to buy afterwards.

  1. 01Why do we keep having the same fight in different clothes?
  2. 02What do you do with an apology that does not land?
  3. 03Who are we once the children are asleep?
  4. 04How much of this is actually about money?
  5. 05What did you give up, and does it still hurt?
  6. 06When did we stop asking each other questions?
  7. 07Is this boredom a warning, or a season?
  8. 08What would you change, and can you say it tonight?

Who is asking

Couples therapist, Lagos

I have spent twenty-two years in a consulting room in Ikoyi, mostly listening to people who love each other describe, in careful detail, why they cannot stand each other this week.

I am not interested in whether your marriage is good. I am interested in whether it is tended. This book is the thing I have said, in some form, to nearly every couple who has sat across from me.

Sales are closed for now. Write to us and we will tell you when they reopen.

Questions? hello@layodubs.com